i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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