grandma shit on top of the toilet
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
