would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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