I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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