3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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