i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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