my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
