Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
