I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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