Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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