i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is my gift to your gina
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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