According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
