You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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