If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
