i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
