I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
