Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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