I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
