Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
