you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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