I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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