i permit you to call me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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