his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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