im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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