honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
