she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
