i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
