Are we in a gay sports bar?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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