Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
