It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
