one word: firstdatebathroomanal
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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