I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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