And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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