do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize