i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
