wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
