someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We got so high we made milksteak
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
