just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
