im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
