he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
