Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
