her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
