I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
