He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
