dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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