bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
