I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
