I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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