The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize