i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
