I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
