My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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