You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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