Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize