My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
