this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
