I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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