Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
