the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
