I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
