woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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