I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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