Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
4 words: hood of his car
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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