Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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