This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hippo gnu deer
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize