Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
