I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
