you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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