well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
