So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
