i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she peed on how many people?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
