so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
