I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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